Valentine's Show and Tell

I've been a busy, busy girl. I've been snapping photos of all my craft projects and I just waded through waste high waves of Valentine's pretties. Starting a blog of my own has definitely made me appreciate all the time and effort that others put into their blogs...especially those that are photo heavy.
Rather than posting a project a day...I'm just going to do one big Show and Tell. So, let's get this show on the road before my family realizes that it's time for supper.
First up...my vintage Valentine's postcard pictures...

I got this pretty little postcard over at Vintage Holiday Crafts. I can always find some lovelies for holiday crafts there...and they are free. If you're ever looking for some vintage clipart, this is a good place to look.

This was my dad's favorite. He said the lady seated at the desk composing a letter, most likely to the man she's envisioning smootching, reminded him of his mom in her younger years. I got this gorgeous postcard at Art Freebies. She has a nice variety of vintage postcards and ephemera available for your use!

I've shared this number with you in a previous post...but I had to share it again. I still giggle at the "Fully Occupied". I STILL can't find the site I got this clipart from. I even searched through a few more of my common haunts to no avail.

This was my favorite of the set for Valentines. I loved the little cherubs. It's hard to see in this photo but I glittered their little wings and some of the cherry blossoms. The colors just popped. I got this post card from Vintage Holiday Crafts too.
These are two little paper mache hearts that I got on clearance at Hobby Lobby for a few cents (like 50, to be exact!) I decoupaged strips of my scrapbooking paper on to them. I literally used 3/4 of a jar of Mod Podge in the last month. I think I'd better buy some stock in the company. These hearts were big and bold on my Valentine's tree.


Here are three more ornaments that I made for my Valentine's tree...also from clearance items from Hobby Lobby. If I remember correctly I bought each of these plaster hearts for 25 cents each. I decopaged some scrapbooking paper on the back and edges and then decoupaged more vintage postcard prints from Vintage Holiday Crafts on the front. The Mod Podge really made the colors come out on these prints. Loved them!



If you remember, I had some heart shaped boxes (which I considered rather ugly, covered in brash holographic paper) that I recovered. I had one smaller one that was missing a lid. I'd used it in another project years ago. I'm a huge fan of shadow boxes...and making them out of things one wouldn't usually consider shadow box material. I used the same vintage print used in one of my postcard pictures and incorporated some beautiful rose wreath vintage clipart I found at Graphics Fairy (LOADS of gorgeous vintage prints and ephemera. She posts something new EVERY DAY! Yeah, I know! Love it!) This is one of my fave projects this month. (Okay, they were all my fave) This baby was hard to photograph though. I couldn't get the right lighting...and the print was blown up a little too large...or maybe it's all because I'd had too much caffeine. Pardon the blur.


My last project wasn't completed this year but it's one that I can't wait to get out every year. It was a two year project. Haha! By that I mean...I completed it one year...then gutted it and started all over the next year. That's part of the joy of crafting. Re-vamping a previous project. The first year I really hadn't been crafting that much. But over the next year I did quite a bit, so I gained some experience and some new tools that I could employ.

I found this sweet little Valentine's card at one of the local antique shops. The little cherub was framed by the intricately cut frame raised up by accordian folded pieces of paper. I replaced the pieces of paper with some foam spacers which I also incorporated into the matting giving the whole thing a tiered appearance.


I cut out the message from the inside of the card and affixed it to the right lower corner; setting it off nicely, I think.

The only thing I bought for this project was the vintage card (which I paid $4 for ...I'm a sucker). Everything else was reused, recovered or from scraps. Gotta love projects like that.
Thanks for stopping by. I sure hope you liked my show and tell. Now, off to work on some St. Patrick's Day decorations. I've never had any before...can you believe?! (Don't worry, my children aren't still waiting for supper. Ha!)

Dear Mom, Hearts Have Legs

Dear Mom,
It's me again. Ha! That kind of reminds me of that Judy Blume book I read as a child when her parents were divorcing...Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret. Maybe I should read that book again, you know, for perspective.
Anyway, Johanna's moving to South Dakota to be with her dad after this school year. We had a fight last week. I pulled out the, "If you can't respect me, maybe you should move in with your dad" line. Bad. I know. It's one of those diarrhea of the mouth moments that you used to laugh at yourself about. My mouth was moving, but my brain wasn't thinking. I walked outside for a cigarette to cool off and when I came back she'd already texted her dad.
Now, I know. I've already been well counseled by friends who have been in my shoes. Maybe it's for the best. I am not the only one that can raise her properly. She and her dad have a bond...and we are just two very strong headed ladies who have been stuck in a house for way tooo long this winter. I need spring to come...like NOW. Have I mentioned that? Maybe when she's apart from me she can start to see some of my good qualities. Maybe then she can see that I was doing the best I could with what I had at the time. Maybe...
Tonight I went to my first Youth Ministry Board meeting at church. Man, did I feel like a fish out of water. Silly single mom who hasn't forced her children to go to Sunday School; not that they in anyway made me feel that way. It was all self inflicted. I remember that was one of the last things you requested of me at the end. "Find a church home and get my granddaughter into Sunday School." I know it was important to you. It's important to me too. Somedays, it's just not worth the fight.
Somedays it takes all I have to get through a church service without needing communion again at the end. I know how important it is to reinforce faith through worship. Faith and Grace have been the only things to cling to so often in my life so I completely understand their importance. Anyway, the meeting went great. I even felt like the prayer and the brief devotion were tailored just for me...for what I've been needing.
As I sat there and listened to the youth group activities and the confirmation class information it struck me. Johanna won't be here to start confirmation next year. True, she could attend classes at Bethesda in Hot Springs, but Dad isn't even a member there anymore. I know she would have a more positive experience attending classes here considering who the instructors would be in both cases. Sadly, I immediately started thinking of how to approach her with this. I prayed for God to give me the right things to say when I got home. Here I go...trying to force the "wheel" again. I think I have permanent white knuckles...I grasp that wheel so tightly. We all know your not supposed to drive like that...the crash happened when I got home.
She asked me about the meeting. I told her it was a board that oversees the youth activities at church...like youth group...and confirmation. "Wait, I'll have to start that next year. Won't I?" I said she would. Then she realized she would be in South Dakota. I said she'd have to attend up there. Both of our defenses were already up at this point....it was a slippery slope after that.
"It's my decision. I don't want to go." No, it most certainly is NOT her decision. Cripes, Vanessa...loosen up your grip. I'm not going to go through the whole argument discussion. It resulted in me seeing that it WAS NOT going to be my decision next year. It was all going to be out of my control. All out of my hands and into someone elses. In my head I prayed that relinquishing a decision in this case wouldn't count against me. She's going to have to find her own way now.
All I can do is pray that she finds the right path...somewhere along the way. Did I make the right decision, Mom? What else can I do. I don't have any fight left in me. See, I give up control and then I'm immediately struck by the fear that I'm giving up on the wrong thing.
When we'd both calmed down I walked into the living room and calmly but firmly said that, indeed, somethings are for her to decide...somethings are not. I also explained that her claiming it was her "right" to decide was what upset me more than anything. She apologized and said that she knew that she had said some things in error...but she wasn't taking it all back. I said I felt the same way. I explained that if she was still living with me it wouldn't be her decision and she would be going to classes. I also explained that if she decided to stay here rather than go I would like her to stay...it wouldn't be the same without her here. It was nice. It took a lot for two mules to do that. Progress.
Mom, I wish her dad hadn't moved away. When he was here I didn't have to be a mommy all but one day a month. I had time to breathe. I had time to step back and re-evaluate. Now I'm just constantly in the riptide...some days I struggle to stay afloat; to not be dragged down into the salty brine of day-to-day mire. I've even contemplated moving back to South Dakota. I just don't know if there are any opportunities for me there. I don't think Dad wants to end up being a babysitter either and I would miss the niche that I've slowly carved out here. So, I guess maybe this is the right thing...delegation of responsibilty. I just hope that I haven't decided to let go of the wheel on a tight curve. Then again, maybe that's the best time to do it.
I remember the Pastor at Bethesda, at the time I was working there, said, "having children is like a piece of your heart sprouting legs and walking around outside of your body." Man, was he right. I couldn't fully comprehend the magnitude of that statement at the time as Johanna was merely crawling then. I just hope that she understands that she always has a Friend to turn to when everything else seems lost. I know life can throw some crazy curve balls and she's headed into one of the most confusing and tempting times of her life. I hope I've given her enough of a start on a Christian life. I fear I haven't been the best example; but I hope I've planted some seeds.
Love as always,
Your daughter

Dear Mom,
It was six years ago today that I took your hand and whispered in your ear for the last time. I told you it was okay to go when you were ready; not to stay for us and then I choked back the tears while I walked out of the hospital room door. By the time I came back you were gone. I can't believe it's been that long until I think about all the things that have happened since that day...then it feels like it's been an eternity since I saw your smiling face.
There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you at some point. For a while after you left I would catch myself thinking, "I need to remember to tell Mom about that." Then I would realize I couldn't. I think it took me a year before it really sank in...that there wouldn't be anymore phone calls with you on the other end saying, "I just wanted to hear your voice"...no more hugs that chased the clouds away...no more shopping trips...no more, "Hey, do you know what your granddaughter did this week?!"
By the way, you have a grandson now. I brought him up to your grave last year and tried to explain that you were my mommy. But how can a 4 year old understand that. He will someday. He asks me about the picture of you sitting on my vanity all of the time. I wish he could have known you. Sat in your lap. Been lavished with your kisses and undivided attention. You would have loved him to pieces and he would have had you wrapped around his little finger in two shakes of a lambs tail. Months before he was born I used to fantasize about seeing you in the delivery room...in some kind of drug induced delirium. Then I didn't have time for drugs...and I hoped that I would see you because of some pain induced delirium. I remember I was sorely disappointed when it was over and I hadn't seen you or felt your presence. But you know, that's okay. I hope you can't see the things that happen here. What kind of heaven would it be if you were subjected to all the earthly woes...or even victories?
There have been so many times I wish I could talk to you, to ask you questions, to thank you for being the mother that you were. I know that you didn't think that you made a difference in people's lives. I've read your diaries...I know. But you did matter. You mattered to a lot of people. The church was packed for your funeral. Your kindness was felt and appreciated by, I think, every one that knew you. People still tell me what a wonderful person you were. I wish you could have seen that about yourself. I suppose we are quite alike that way. We doubt our worth all too much.
Do you remember the dream you had about your mother, shortly after she had passed away? The one when you walked into your childhood church and she was sitting in a pew waiting for you. You said you sat down and you talked to her about things going on in your life. When you woke you were so sad because you had more that you wanted to talk to her about. I've been waiting to have you in my dreams. I finally did last year, sometime after your brother joined you. I think I'd been spending too much time at Grandma's house cleaning. You were there as well as Aunt Helen, Grandma and Uncle Dale came in later. We were sitting in the sunroom but it was night and it was dimly lit by a weak light bulb. I was cleaning and packing and everything seemed quite hazy. No one spoke but there were low murmers all around me. All too low for me to comprehend the words being uttered. Grandma kept directing me to something, something glass, though I can't remember what it was. Maybe a vase or a stemmed glass or decanter. When I woke up my heart was racing and I was crying. We never got to talk. Maybe another time?
I miss you. Somedays the longing is palpable. I could point to the place in my chest filled with the aching desire to have you near me again. But it would be selfish to wish you back. So, I look around me for pieces of you. It always brings me comfort. I sat down the other night and thumbed through the Mommy and Grandma books you started and we helped you work on the last few days you were with us and lucid. I wish we could have completed more of it. There are more blank pages than full pages. I keep thinking that I need to sit down and record some of the stories I remember you telling me about...before I forget them or before time erases some of the details from my memory. It's funny how seeing your handwriting fills the corners of my eyes with tears. The last tangible, unique piece of you left. I like to run my fingers over the ink and think that your hand brushed the page in just that place. Is that crazy? Somedays I wonder. I guess if it is, it is.
Well, I suppose that I have rambled enough. But this was nice. I need to do it again, soon. Surprisingly, I made it through with dry eyes. Maybe I've cried them all out lately and there just aren't more to spare. I love you, Mom. I wish I could be half of the mother and woman that you were. I know you wouldn't see that...but I do. I couldn't have picked out a better mom if I'd been allowed to.
Until next time,
Your loving daughter